this & that

The past week as been so tough for me. Not only have I had to deal with my seizures several times a day but I have had to face upto some demons from a long time ago. The hospital thinks my seizures could be caused by stress so I'm now having therapy I guess. The first session opened up alot of things that have happened in my life. I hate thinking of myself as a victim so when the Doctor says to me you have been through an awful lot I replied with haven't we all. I've now started keeping a diary of my thoughts and it is helping. By dealing with these issues it can only make my life better and maybe help my depression. I think most things happen for a reason and I guess I wouldn't be the person I am now if I hadnt been through all this stuff. I look back on my life and yes I have had some terrible times but I've also had some fantastic times too.

Had a lovely but quick chat with my cuz Lisa this morning. She was amazed at some stuff I told her but as always is supportive of me. Just her giving me a hug n saying I love you lifted my spirits so thanks Lisa loves ya xx

Well I'm still off work due to the seizures or as hubby calls them "shakes". It does get me down but also we are all so used to it now that even the kids dont bat an eyelid. Due to how severe some are I do tend to sleep alot after the bad ones so my sleep pattern is all over the place. Some days I'm up at 3am and do you know how shit tv is then???  Really if the stuff they sell on these shows is so good why isnt it sold during the day??? thats because you have to be nearly asleep to be tempted to buy the stuff lol. On the plus side I am cracking on with my cross stitch project. I'm really enjoying it to be honest. I even managed to make 2 sock monkeys this week. 

 I've already got my next cross stitch project lined up. Hopefully the next one wont take as long as this one. I've been doing this one for about 2 yrs hee hee 

Well thats enough for one day I think, dont wanna bore ya silly. 


Please feel free to comment on my blogs as feed back will help me develop the way I write.
Bye for now xxxxxxxx

Married life

WOW ... our wedding day was so amazing. It went so fast but it was such good fun. We enjoyed it immensely. Our family and friends helped make the day so special.
We can't thank everyone enough for all their help & support. It is lovely to know there are such amazing people around us. The bridesmaids looked beautiful & did an amazing job, the bestman (whom I met for the first time that day) looked very smart and the Groom..... totally gorgeous!!! I am so proud to call him my husband.

The planning of the wedding wasn't smooth running due to me being in hospital until the week before. I am suffering from seizures. Despite numerous tests we still do no know the cause of them. The seizures do not last long but are happening upto 20 times a day. I did however manage to hide them on our wedding day except from when Claire decided to climb over the toilet wall when she realised I was fitting hee hee. The seizures will not harm my brain according to the doctors but I do not always get a warning enabling me to go somewhere safe. I have discovered that Morrisons & Makro floors are very cold :-) I have to laugh or I shall cry and I have done enough of that.


Marv & I had a lovely night in a hotel called The Barcelo. This was a gift from my niece, Claire. The bed was massive & the shower was fab (easily pleased me). We had a lovely meal and enjoyed a bottle of champagne whilst Marv was swearing at the tv because a dog won Britians got talent ha ha ha ha


So now we are home and back to reality. Marv is watching F1 (which don't tell him but I am starting to enjoy), Yasmin is out, Charlie is in her room (as per usual) and Keanna is at her dads so I am enjoying the chance to do this without anyone whinging lol. I might even do the ironing soon .... ooohhh I know how to have fun ha ha ha


I am going to get my slimming world books out this week and try to restart that whilst not at work. Going to have Donna kick me ass lol. I would like to beable to go back to the gym & to go swimming but I am unable at the moment due to the seizures.  I can't wait til they are sorted so I can restart my driving lessons as well. My fridays aren't the same without Phils tales. 

In the meantime I will enjoy my time at home with my Husband & kids.  I am lucky to have such a fantastic family whom look after me.




So is married life good???? NO its FANTASTIC and I am loving it...............
Marv thank you for putting up with me and remember I LOVE YOU xxx

I am very lucky xx

6 Days to go until I get married....eeekkkk

Still got a few things to do due to only coming out of hospital on friday. I have been ill & off for quite some time. Marv has looked after us all bless him. He came to the hospital nearly everyday mainly twice a day to see me & bring the kids etc.

They haven't stopped my seizures yet but I am remaining hopeful that they will. Its been quite an emotional time for me. I have been off work for some time then managed to go back for a week before ending up in hospital for over a week. I know that I have to take my time & not rush back this time. Even I have accepted that I may not be able to go back for quiite some time.

whilst in hospital I had time to reflect on what is important and whats not in my life. I saw a lovely lady deteriorate over the week. Alltho she was unable to move herself she called for the nurses when I had a seizure & looked after me. I had the opportunity to say goodbye to this lady before her family took her home for the remaining time she had left. I cried when she went. Another patients son was coming in each day just before meal times to make sure his mum got food she liked and the fed her, freeing up the nursing staff which they were grateful for. His mum has terminal cancer and I know that knowing you are going to lose your Mum is heartbreaking. He had been looking after her at home but the latest events left her in hospital & he had to face up to the fact that she will not be going home again. Even tho he was going through hell he was cheerful and helped other patients if they needed something eg they dropped something, needed food cutting up. He was another person who called the nurses for me when I was unable. He really is a lovely man. We had a good giggle along with another patient and was coming up with songs for my wedding including shaking stevens, All shook up, hippy hippy shake etc. It lifted our spirits and we became glad to see him arrive altho it was seeing Marv & my girls that made me smile the most. Everytime they left I wanted to cry. 


To see people going through different things but still helping each other makes you realise that there are some lovely genuine people out there. Its something we tend to forget these days.

On our wedding day not only shall I be thinking how lucky I am to be getting married but how lucky I am to know such lovely people.  know I am very lucky to have Marv & my gorgeous girls along with family & friends.  I may not be completely healthy but there are alot of people worse off than me. 


I am truely thankful for what I have got. Marvin I love you so much and marrying you means so much to me, I am avery lucky lady to have you. To my gorgeous girls I love you more than you will ever know. My family & friends, I love you all too and even tho we may not speak or see each other all the time you are always in my heart.



Thats it for now. Take care xxxxx

how I feel...

How I Feel???

Well firstly I need to get you upto speed on things.

We get married in May. Got my dress & bridesmaid dresses altho 2 need to be altered. Most things are sorted but there are still so much to do!!!!!
I'm excited but also slightly stressed. Hen Nite is sorted due to my fab friends.

So I should feel on top of the world??? 

2 weeks ago my partner had to ring for an ambulance for me as i was in so much pain and had facial droop. I was admitted to A & E where the staff were so busy there was a queue to get seen. To my surprise I was told my friend Deb was one of the wonderful staff whom looked after me. I was admitted to the ward where they were able to give me more pain relief. After alot of doctors & nurses the diagnosis I have I been given is hemiplegic migraine. Once home I spent nearly a week constantly sleeping, unable to speak properly not eating or barely drinking. After a change to my meds I'm now picking up but havent had a day where I havent collapsed so far.
I have to thank Marv so much for looking after me and our girls.

So How am I feeling ......
Scared of Marv getting fed up of me, anxious about what happens next, excited because I am marrying the man who I love, Mainly I feel drained & like I'm letting everyone down. I know my family and friends are there for me but i wish I wasn't like this.

I love my Family and would be lost without them.


I don't want a perfect world but a few days of feeling great would be lovely ..........


I LOVE MY FAMILY & MY MAN XXXXXXX

Want to go home

Ever sat at work in a room full of people and wished you was at home??? Well that's how I've felt all day. After being poorly all weekend I could really do with some piece n quiet. Not long left now as I finish early.
Got a busy afternoon planned. Just want to go sleep ..... I'm such a boring grumpy person today :-(

Hospitals

Why is hospitals are either rd hot or freezing????
I'm sat here watching my daughter sleep freezing my butt off (that's alot of butt freezing going on). I've got my coat wrapped round me n I'm still cold bbbrrr if I don't warm up soon I'm icing her out of that bed n climbing into it poorly or not lol

However I am also thinking I am very lucky to be watching her sleep after seeing her in so much pain over the past few days. It breaks my heart to see one of my kids suffering n I can't make it better. If I could take the pain away I would. On the plus side she seems slightly better but we will see what happens tomorrow.

As many of you will know I have alot of experience when it comes to hospitals. It becomes a whole new experience when it's one of your kids in here. I am used to being the patience which after the past 2 days is a whole lot easier than being the relative. I can know appreciate more how Marv n the girls feel when I'm in here. Plus I can understand how Yasmin is feeling.
Let's hope she's out for the weekend so we can all relax and catch up on our sleep lol

I love my family more than anything in the world and it's times like this that make you appreciate what you have got. The last few years haven't been the easiest but together will can cope. I guess it shows what a strong unit we are.

Gosh aren't I being soft this morning lol right onto other things ....
16 weeks til the wedding arghhh so much to do.... The diet as gone out the window over the past few days but back on it when madam gets home.


Well I think I have become quite annoying on twitter today and GOOD I want to be. If the past few days have shown me anything its how important our kids are. Now I can't imagine how it must feel to lose a child. The worse pain ever and yet some people refuse to tell the truth n help a parent move on. Yes I refer to Kevin Williams mum.
All she wants is the truth yet she's had to fight for years to try and get it. Surely it's just the right thing to do???? Too many people trying to save their own skins are causing this woman and others like her to suffer endlessly. Please please please take time to sign the petition (link below) and help ease her and many other families suffering. The Hillsborough disaster is something many of us will never forget for one reason or another but let's show that together we can make a difference. Xxxx

https://twitter.com/neilmellor33/status/159748172900601857

Been a while

Well its been a while since I last wrote on here. So here goes.....

As alot of you know I had a stroke about a month ago. The CT scan showed a blood clot on my brain and I have had a MRI scan which I am waiting for the results. It was awful for both me and my family. Fortunately I wasn't in hospital for long but it feels like I missed the whole of October. I am trying to take things slowly and get my life back to some kind of normality. I'm also still undergoing tests for other health conditions. I feel like my body is just falling to bits so to speak lol. I managed to go back work yesterday which was great but I then slept for the rest of the day & most of the evening.

Enough of the illness talk...

I am going slimming world to try and shift some of this flab. I have lost half a stone so far but have come to a stand still so need a kick up the butt. I want to get back in the gym and get my fitness levels up again. I also want to start jogging but that will need a VERY good sports bra ha ha ha ha

I started christmas shopping this week... why are teenagers so difficult to buy for??? I have a few ideas but it was so easier when they were little. I can't wait to get the xmas decs up and make the front room all cosy :0)  

Its the weekend yyaayyy but I havent got anything planned except spending time with my beautiful family. I''m currently acting like a teenager and chillin in my bedroom :o) I've got the movie channel on in peace & quiet..... bliss


thats it for now take care all xxx