Friday, 7 September 2012

No sleep

Wow I have had no sleep at all. I went bed at 9pm last nite very tired and in pain with my back but couldn't sleep due to the pain. I watched a film then played on my phone hoping to fall asleep. Marv banged into me by accident and the pain was so bad I was crying. It wasn't his fault but he felt awful. I carried on playing cards on my phone as that normally sends me sleep but no result so read for a while & finally I thought I was going to go sleep then bang my mind went into overdrive. I was thinking about lots of things even getting myself all mad at stuff but couldn't switch off. Before I knew it the birds were singing & the sun starting to rise. If I had wanted to stay awake all night I would have ended up falling asleep sods law isn't it!!!

Apart from the pain & the normal seizures I have had a good few days. My hubby & I went out for lunch on thursday. He took me to this lovely pub where the barges can stop. We had some lunch outside whilst watching the barges go past then sat right next to the water enjoying the sun. It was so beautiful. I always find water so relaxing. We spent the evening at his mums house. I enjoy spending time with my lovely in laws so much, I think because they are as nutty as me lol. Ruth also has alot of health problems so we understand how each other feel and Marv & Steve understand how it is to be a carer. Then yesterday it was my daughter, Charlie's birthday. I can't believe she is 16!!!! All of my gorgeous girls are growing up so fast. Where does all the time go???? seems like yesterday they were only toddlers.

I recieved an appointment for a medical to see if I am well enough to go back to work. It has been arranged by my employer. I have no hesitation about going but just wonder if they are doing it so they can dismiss me on medical grounds. I can not see how I will beable to return to work whilst having seizures. I will then be on benefits through no fault of my own. I am classed as disabled already due to my back problems but my seizures make working very difficult. I  people can already hear people saying 'I'm working to pay for your benefits' I know I shouldn't be bothered about what people say but because you can not see my disabilities all of the time people look at you as to say "you're not ill!!!". I wonder how they would feel if they were in my shoes???

I feel as I am in limbo at the moment. I can not go back to work until I have had this medical and work decide whether I can go back or not but I can not claim anything except sick pay because I am classed as working. I can not plan things as I do not know what will be happening. I have even started worrying about christmas. I know it seems early but when you see christmas stuff in all the shops it does make me think.

I have decided on what tattoo I want doing next. I'm not telling people until its been done :-) Not sure when I will be able to have it done yet as I am worried I will have a seizure whilst its being done & end up with it looking like a kid has scribbled on me lol.

To keep me occupied I have been doing my cross stitch. I really enjoy doing it and look forward to getting new projects to do. I lost my stitching bug for quite some time but its back yyyaaayyy It is very relaxing altho not good when I have a seizure whilst holding scissors lol.
I find if I laugh about these things it makes it easier to deal with. 

Well today is meant to be beautiful again so I hope to make the most of it & spend some time in the garden. There is quite alot of weeding to be done but not sure my back will allow me to do it so it may have to be a relaxing day instead, Oh dear what a shame hee hee My lovely in-laws are coming over to spend some quality time with us. All the girls have plans so it will be just us 4.

Well whatever you are doing this weekend I hope you enjoy yourselves & take care.

No comments:

Post a Comment