Monday, 3 September 2012

Weekend life

It was my youngest daughters 13th Birthday on Saturday. Shes growing up so quickly its scary. She was with her Dad this weekend so I didnt really get much time with her. She came home totally spolit just how birthdays should be, but she had left her present from me to open last nite. She had been asking for Roller Skates so when she opened her present to find them her face was beaming. Its the little things like that which make your day. She went on the front with them but was nervous as she normally only skates at the rink. She was fab just as I knew she would be. We had got her a birthday cake as well. She blew her candles out & for that moment it was like she was a little girl again. Her sister Yasmin is taking her to Build a Bear this afternoon after school so its like her birthday has lasted for 3 days lol bless her I'm so glad shes happy.
Her dad & his wife brought their puppy with them when they brought Keanna home. He is adorable. I love seeing him & having a cuddle. He was rolling around in the grass and letting me tickle his belly. So sweet. I am glad that we can all get on together as life is too short to be arguing.

The weekend hasn't been as kind to me. I have been poorly yet  again. I honestly thought I was going to end up in hospital again yesterday I was in that much pain. I had my Oramorph and managed to control the pain. I had woke in pain and feeling anxious from having an awful nightmare. I can't not remember all the details but the bits I could remember left me feeling so scared. Everytime I closed my eyes I could see it again. The worse part about it was my children were taken away from me!!! I can not think of anything worse. I woke in a cold sweat, shaking and feeling like it was real. It was a horrible feeling to say the least. Everytime I closed my eyes I could see bits of it and felt anxious again. It stayed with me all day and last nite I had to have my lamp on to try to go sleep. Marv held me tight telling me he was there but the anxious feeling wouldn't go. I ended up playing cards on my phone until I fell asleep which was around 4am. I was awake before the alarm went off for the girls to get up for school so I only had 3 hours broken sleep. Have you ever had a dream like that? so real you have to go and check it wasn't true?

With me being poorly again my meds have been messed up so I have been struggling with my back again. It makes me realise just how much I need my medication to keep the pain at a managable level. Sometimes I forget how bad the pain can be. 

I am waiting for work to sort this assessor out to decide whether I can go back work or not but its seriously not looking good for me as I am still having the seizures several times a day. We are in limbo so to speak regarding whats going to happen next. I can't wait until its all sorted so I know where I stand with everything and if I can't go back work then I can start to come to terms with it properly. I have thought about it alot over the past few months and I can understand that I might not beable to work but it is hard to accept. I don't feel like the same person these days. I used to be out & about and so bubbly. I miss that person and I am going to get her back as much as I can :-)

 Well enough doom and gloom.... the weather is gorgeous so I am going to make sure I get out there to enjoy it this week. In the meantime I am going to crack on with my cross stitch project. I am really enjoying stitching again so thats a plus :-)

Take care & smile xxx

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