Friday, 31 August 2012

In bed chilling

Wow well I managed to go shopping without having a panic attack which is fab :-) shame I had a seizure :-(
There was a few lovely people who asked if I was ok & it was sweet of them but I was so embarrassed. This is why I get anxious about going out. I know I should forget about other people n let them deal with it but I feel bad for making others feel uncomfortable.

I've felt quite crap to be honest today & have ended up in bed since shopping. I've rested, watched tv & done some stitching (For all you non stitchers I find it so relaxing).
I do wonder if these seizures will stop or will I be shaking a old granny??? Lol be fun on the dance floor I guess lol seriously I try not to think about the future regarding my health if I can help it & just take one day at a time :-)

Throughout my health problems I have found out who my real friends are. There as been some "friends" that haven't even bothered with me since the seizures started but they are not important it's the ones who do really care that are but some people have hurt me a lot. I guess it's a thing we all do... Be there for others but when the tables are turned find out that they are not there for you!!! To my true friends
Thank you for being there for me :-)

It's only 1 hr 36 mins to go til my baby's birthday well it's not until 5.27 pm to be exact lol not a baby now she will be 13!!!! Another teenager in the house!!!
She's grown into a lovely young lady. She surprised me this evening when she found me on the bathroom floor having a seizure. She said she moved my head because I was hitting on the bath n then sat there holding my hand until I can out of it again. She didn't panic or cry. I'm so proud of her. All my girls handle my seizures amazing but then they have had no choice really bless em.

Tv has been good tonite so far miranda the flynns, mrs browns boys and now Dara O Briain :-) love a good giggle it is a plus side of being in bed coz downstairs the fella are stressing over the transfer market.... Bloody football Pmsl

Oh yeah before I forget I can't believe card shops are already full of Xmas cards!!!! It's bloody August!!!!! The scary thing is I was tempted to pick some up Pmsl I think that's what set my seizure off ha ha ha that's my story & I'm sticking to it lol

Well good nite take care

Thursday, 30 August 2012

First day back at school

Kids first day back at school today. Its been weird without them being around. However we had Yasmin for about an hour after she had been shopping, came home complained about how much clothes cost & then got all excited because her laptop had arrived. 
She is very grown up about money now she is earning & paying for her own things. Its a good thing but so funny to watch :-)

I made sure the kids were ready for school this morning then sat on the bed talking to Yasmin and got her to paint my nails. I then had a fit on the poor girl. Its a good job shes used to it by now. She handled the situation fantastically like always. She held my head so I didnt bang it and held my hand whilst I was coming round. I ended up back in bed and sleeping til nearly 1.30pm. I do think this is due to having a bad day fit wise yesterday. 

The girls have come back from school with Keanna telling me she had an awesome day :-) Charlie however said it was just a day at school ha ha ha can't win em all. 
They looked so smart today in their uniform, very grown up. 

I'm still waiting to hear from work regarding my assessment but they are on hols this week. I just want it all sorting now. DLA are also dragging their heels as well, its ok for them but this is my life. I'm not going to let it get me down as this week as I have been feeling alot more positive. 

On a happier note its Keannas birthday on saturday & altho I wont be with her all day we will celebrate her birthday when she is back as well as her birthday morning. I cant believe shes going to be a teenager!!!! How old do I feel hee hee .....

Whilst writing this I have been watching Coyote Ugly. We have now got sky and there is a difference in the picture from Virgin media. Meanwhile during the film there has been the odd comment about how certain people cant act or sing my a fella of course pmsl 
Do you suffer the same whilst watching tv? It does make me laugh tho pmsl

Right thats it for now please feel free to give me feedback 
take care xxx

Monday, 27 August 2012

happy to have found support

OMG I am so happy to have found a support group/website for Non Epileptic attack disorder. I have been reading the website and it describes my condition so well. I feel more comfortable with it now. It doesnt change anything but its nice to know I'm not the only person with this disorder plus that it proves these attacks are real.

My family & true friends have never doubted my seizures but many nurses and doctors have made me feel like I was putting it on. The first time I was given the opportunity to see a Shrink I nearly turned it down because I thought they were for mad people but thats not true. 

I also found a group for the Hemiplegic Migraines I suffer. Its been great to read about other peoples experiences and they way they cope.

I know I am lucky to have such a wonderful support network around me. I just feel so lucky to have found these groups too :-)

I have also helped make a rhubarb crumble and my very first Lasagne :-)

Today is a good day (so far) & I just had to share this with you all
I am happy happy happy xxx

Emotional roundabouts

Do you ever have times where you feel so poorly but something makes you so happy???

Well I have been in hospital yet again, yes I know this shocks you :-)  

I had a blockage caused by all my meds and my lack of desire to drink fibregel. For those who have never tasted this the only way it can be described is .... wallpaper paste with orange squash in it!!!! yep you wouldnt drink it either ha ha ha ha
Due to my lack of appeptite for such drinks I became constipated (Yes I know we dont talk about bowels) I ended up doubled over in such awful pain I actually asked Marv to ring an ambulance. Poor Keanna was sobbing when the ambulance came but the paramedic was fantastic with the girls. He took Keanna & Chloe to the ambulance when he had to get stuff and they helped him by passing stuff. It made the experience so much easier for them. Never got his name to say thank you but I'm sending him a huge thanks x
I had forgotten just how amazing gas & air is. WOW I was not giving that back even after I had the morphine. So we went through the usual routine, A & E then transferred to the General and settled on a ward. Due to my fits I had to go on the acute bay. This was ok apart from being kept awake all bloody nite by the nursing staff let alone from the odd patient shouting out. I had my meds like a good girl, poo'ed for england etc etc etc

I was on facebook one morning when my friend asked if I was still in the General and if so which ward. I told her and she said she was here too on the same ward. Now Rihann & I have been friends for a few years now but never actually got round to meeting up in the flesh. So it was a lovely surprise to finally meet her. I was so happy when she came to see me ( I was on oxygen at the time). For that reason alone I was actually happy to be in hospital. I was discharged the day before Rihann but it was great finally getting to meet her at long last. Shes as bubbly in the flesh as she is online :-)

Within days after being discharged I had a meeting with my bosses about going back to work. I was full of expectation of being told when I could go back only to be shot down in flames by being told I need to be assessed first. I do honestly understand their point of views but I want to work..... I have thought about what I will do if I can not work anymore due to my fits and I think I will do some more courses.Its not a nice feeling knowing everything you have worked for could be taken away from you. I feel like everytime I try to do something workwise it gets taken away from me. 

I feel like a burden to everyone as I cant be left alone due to hurting myself during the fits. An example of how easy this is was yesterday ... Marvs watching footie so I am upstairs doing my cross stitch whilst on the bed watching tv. Quite safe wouldnt you say??? it would be if I hadnt had my scissors in my hand whist I had my fit. I came round to a sore arm. I looked and I had scratched my arm several times with the scissors. It could have been so much worse which is what scared me I think. The other day our friend Rich heard me have a fit in the outside toilet. He could hear my head hitting the door so had to gently open the door and lower me down whilst protecting my head. It must be quite scary for others when this happens even more so if they dont know if I'm dressed hee hee.

I have decided something though I may have health issues & I may not beable to work but I can start to change things in my life. Firstly my diet as I need to lose weight for a number of reasons. So the slimming world plan is calling me back. I need to get my arse into gear and follow the plan. I also need to somehow inprove my fitness again. I love the gym but the risk of the fit kind of puts it out of the question at the minute. 
My first change came about on saturday when I decided to have my hair cut. Its shorter one side. Its quite a shock when I go to touch my hair and half of it as disappeared ha ha ha Kel did an amazing job I love it.

I keep a diary which helps my depression but somedays I just need someone to say your doing well.

On a happier note school holidays are nearly over and I can already hear the mix of tears and cheers for that first day back at school. Parents will treasure that day for a number of reasons such as......
childs first day at school,
first day at a new school, 
new uniforms thus making their children seem so grown up,
new uniforms meaning they will look smart for at least the first week, 
first day kiddie free for 6 whole weeks lol
whatever your reason treasure your children whilst you can because one day they will be grown up and have children of their own whilst your left wondering where the time went.....

My peace & quiet as now been broken by the first other person joining me downstairs so I shall leave this for today & go get dressed before tackling the ironing... oh the excitement I know your so jealous ha ha ha ha ha