Monday, 27 August 2012

Emotional roundabouts

Do you ever have times where you feel so poorly but something makes you so happy???

Well I have been in hospital yet again, yes I know this shocks you :-)  

I had a blockage caused by all my meds and my lack of desire to drink fibregel. For those who have never tasted this the only way it can be described is .... wallpaper paste with orange squash in it!!!! yep you wouldnt drink it either ha ha ha ha
Due to my lack of appeptite for such drinks I became constipated (Yes I know we dont talk about bowels) I ended up doubled over in such awful pain I actually asked Marv to ring an ambulance. Poor Keanna was sobbing when the ambulance came but the paramedic was fantastic with the girls. He took Keanna & Chloe to the ambulance when he had to get stuff and they helped him by passing stuff. It made the experience so much easier for them. Never got his name to say thank you but I'm sending him a huge thanks x
I had forgotten just how amazing gas & air is. WOW I was not giving that back even after I had the morphine. So we went through the usual routine, A & E then transferred to the General and settled on a ward. Due to my fits I had to go on the acute bay. This was ok apart from being kept awake all bloody nite by the nursing staff let alone from the odd patient shouting out. I had my meds like a good girl, poo'ed for england etc etc etc

I was on facebook one morning when my friend asked if I was still in the General and if so which ward. I told her and she said she was here too on the same ward. Now Rihann & I have been friends for a few years now but never actually got round to meeting up in the flesh. So it was a lovely surprise to finally meet her. I was so happy when she came to see me ( I was on oxygen at the time). For that reason alone I was actually happy to be in hospital. I was discharged the day before Rihann but it was great finally getting to meet her at long last. Shes as bubbly in the flesh as she is online :-)

Within days after being discharged I had a meeting with my bosses about going back to work. I was full of expectation of being told when I could go back only to be shot down in flames by being told I need to be assessed first. I do honestly understand their point of views but I want to work..... I have thought about what I will do if I can not work anymore due to my fits and I think I will do some more courses.Its not a nice feeling knowing everything you have worked for could be taken away from you. I feel like everytime I try to do something workwise it gets taken away from me. 

I feel like a burden to everyone as I cant be left alone due to hurting myself during the fits. An example of how easy this is was yesterday ... Marvs watching footie so I am upstairs doing my cross stitch whilst on the bed watching tv. Quite safe wouldnt you say??? it would be if I hadnt had my scissors in my hand whist I had my fit. I came round to a sore arm. I looked and I had scratched my arm several times with the scissors. It could have been so much worse which is what scared me I think. The other day our friend Rich heard me have a fit in the outside toilet. He could hear my head hitting the door so had to gently open the door and lower me down whilst protecting my head. It must be quite scary for others when this happens even more so if they dont know if I'm dressed hee hee.

I have decided something though I may have health issues & I may not beable to work but I can start to change things in my life. Firstly my diet as I need to lose weight for a number of reasons. So the slimming world plan is calling me back. I need to get my arse into gear and follow the plan. I also need to somehow inprove my fitness again. I love the gym but the risk of the fit kind of puts it out of the question at the minute. 
My first change came about on saturday when I decided to have my hair cut. Its shorter one side. Its quite a shock when I go to touch my hair and half of it as disappeared ha ha ha Kel did an amazing job I love it.

I keep a diary which helps my depression but somedays I just need someone to say your doing well.

On a happier note school holidays are nearly over and I can already hear the mix of tears and cheers for that first day back at school. Parents will treasure that day for a number of reasons such as......
childs first day at school,
first day at a new school, 
new uniforms thus making their children seem so grown up,
new uniforms meaning they will look smart for at least the first week, 
first day kiddie free for 6 whole weeks lol
whatever your reason treasure your children whilst you can because one day they will be grown up and have children of their own whilst your left wondering where the time went.....

My peace & quiet as now been broken by the first other person joining me downstairs so I shall leave this for today & go get dressed before tackling the ironing... oh the excitement I know your so jealous ha ha ha ha ha


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